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The fumes from the ink are getting you a little bit high so you should probably do something while you’re still functional. You make one desperate attempt to outsmart him.
“What’s a thirteen-letter word for a phrase you would use to distract someone?”
“Fool! A thirteen-letter answer is nothing to a crosswordly mind like mine. It’s…uh…jeez. Tip of my tongue, you know? Damn it, this always happens. Ugh, I’m so embarrassed. I should totally know this. I’m the God of friggin’ Print Media.”
“Look over there!” You shout, pointing behind him. He turns around, giving you the brief opening you need. Unfortunately, he is standing between you and all possible exits. There’s only one place for you to hide: your refrigerator.
You dash to the fridge and get inside.
“What exactly am I supposed to be looking at? Your futon?” you hear Kyle saying through the apparently non-soundproof walls of your refrigerator. “Oh, I see. You tricked me. Not cool.”
Fortunately, Kyle never realizes where you are and eventually gives up, goes into your living room, watches three episodes of Smut Court, and leaves.
Unfortunately, you’re vacuum-sealed inside the fridge until someone else opens it.
Fortunately, you have enough food and drinks to last you a few weeks.
Unfortunately, you’re going to miss a few days worth of crossword puzzles in the best-case scenario.
Fortunately, your boss reports you missing after three days, and the police search your house and find you.
Unfortunately, you have already died of suffocation.
Fortunately, you find out there is life after death.
Unfortunately, for you, that life is an eternity in the searing flames of Crossword Hell.
Your excursion ends here.
2 years ago • Notes