Page 7
You ignore the phone and tell yourself it’s time to pick up the pace. Wait a minute, pace! That’s it! Sure enough, it fits right into the puzzle. Mission accomplished!
You begin to cut the crossword out of the newspaper to hang it on your wall, but things get weird. As you cut the paper, it begins to ooze with ink as if it were bleeding. The ink covers up your precious answers, and, understandably, you freak out. You try to memorize the puzzle so you can fill it out again, but then things get weirder. A powerful wind starts blowing the newspaper all around your kitchen. Shit, bro.
That’s when you see a hovering, glowing man made of ink floating right in front of you.
“I am Kyle, God of Print Media!” the apparition bellows.
“Kyle? That’s not godly.”
“I know. I’m a new god, and I haven’t gotten around to going down to city hall to get my name legally changed yet. I’m still not settled on what I want it to be.”
“If you’re the God of Print Media you’d better hurry. You don’t have much time left. What are your options for your name?”
“I have it narrowed down to Klygor or Philomethius. I don’t know, are those good? All the ones I really liked are taken, and I don’t want to have to put a number at the end of it or anything.”
“I feel like they could both end up being dated pretty easily. No offense. I had the same problem when I got my vanity license plate.”
“Enough!” he shouts, sending a cloud of fire through the air. “By using the internet to aid you in finishing this puzzle, you have broken the sacred unspoken law of the Crossword Universe! Prepare to have your soul taken to Crossword Hell!”
Kyle, God of Print Media, begins needlessly using his supernatural powers to tear your other crosswords from the wall when you totally could have just taken them down yourself, and then lighting them in a searing invisible flame when you could have just put them in the shredder.
At this point your house begins to flood with ink which is seeping from the sink, cracks in the floor, the air vents and even your bellybutton a little bit. While you feel a slight sense of relief that you didn’t repaint your bathroom yet, this is a bad situation overall.
“Any last words?” Kyle asks as he wraps his inky fingers around your neck…
To try to escape, turn to page 8.
To reason with Kyle, turn to page 9.
2 years ago • 0 notes