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You’re furious, as you should be, but you calm down and start to think rationally about how to get revenge on Adam and Kevin. You know there’s only one way, and time is of the essence.
Two phone calls later, you’re the owner of every Olive Garden restaurant in the world. Your first and only order of business? Burn every single Olive Garden to the ground.
Your plan is a raving success. Adam and Kevin are unable to spend their hundred dollar Olive Garden gift card, and they become so hungry they end up cannibalizing each other and dying slow, painful deaths. Congratulations!
Yes, your petty revenge cost you more money than it would take to feed the entire continent of Australia for a year (assuming they ate nothing but unprocessed grain). It also put tens of thousands of Olive Garden employees out of work, many of whom had to sell their homes and families just to survive. But you’re so unbearably rich that none of that affects you.
That night, as you lie in your 2300-square-foot waterbed (complete with a self-sustaining aquatic ecosystem) you realize that every decision you’ve made in your life has been motivated by jealousy and spite for your fellow man. You then drift into a deep, refreshing sleep, and go on to lead an astoundingly happy life.
Your excursion ends here.
2 years ago • Notes